


Rhapsody: Lamento Ficlets Collection

by Shinocchi



Series: Prompts & Requests [5]
Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Character Study, Domestic Fluff, Ficlet Collection, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9130471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: Contains ficlets and drabbles written for multiple pairings as well as various ficlets from Tumblr requests surrounding various themes.Updates will be done randomly. Please be aware that some of the drabbles may contain triggers, do refer to the warnings in the author notes.For easy navigation, I would suggest to refer tomy story list pagewhere you could find summaries of each stories depending on which pairing you're interested in :)::: Updated :::|||End- Shui x Leaks|||One For One- Asato x Konoe|||Tail & Tail- Rai x Konoe





	1. Sanctuary [Asato x Konoe]

_Weird._

That was the first word that had appeared in his head ever since the first time he set eyes on him.

Just a few minutes ago, he saw him as nothing but another enemy; he wanted nothing but to eliminate him then and there. He didn’t care what he was, who he was, where he was from, let alone how he looked like.

But now, their position changed, putting him in an awkward spot. They walked down the road in silence, both not knowing what to say to the other. Words weren’t needed. He was just another passerby, just another intruder in this place and there was no obligation for him to treat him nicely. But yet, he couldn’t help but turn his head around every so often, just to see the new cat looking around the place with mild interest in his eyes. He couldn’t quite make out his features from the dim light source surrounding them but at the very least, he could make out his physique: petite, and skinny.

The Elder never told him _how_ he should take care of him. And he didn’t know _why_ he decided to bring him here - his house - either. Perhaps this was the only place he deemed was the safest in the town. And perhaps “taking care” meant “to keep safe”. He didn’t know if he was right; he’d never “take care” of someone else before.

But he could try.

He hadn’t gotten a chance to take a proper look at the cat’s face either. Immediately lighting up the room, he noticed that the cat had retreated to a corner, as if he was avoiding something. He didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t know what he should do now either. But he could clearly see the new cat’s face now, alongside his ears, and also… a glimpse of his tail.

“Are you hungry?” he asked out of instinct. He still wasn’t sure what the best way to treat a guest was but he remembered how “petite” was the first word he used to describe him in his head and he thought perhaps he could help out in putting on some weight for this small cat, regardless if he needed it or not.

The cat’s response sent a weird twinge into his heart. Weird. That was the first word he remembered when he first saw the cat as well. There was something about this cat that he couldn’t pinpoint but he was _definitely_ weird. Or rather, he possessed something Asato had never seen before; something that told Asato that this could be his only chance to witness it, with them being alone in this small house in the outskirt area of the village.

For a long time, he could only stare at the cat, unsure of what he should say or do. He never had guests, let alone having one that was talking to him as if he was talking to just another normal person. But he was still confused. This new cat was a stranger to him, but _he_ was also a stranger to him. There was no reason why he should be nice to him either; in fact, he should be very vigilant, he had all the reasons to _not_ take the food Asato offered him but he did, and not only that, he said it was _tasty_.

He _trusted_ Asato.

Feeling a leap in his heart, he felt the weight beneath his chest lifting just a tad and, immediately grasping onto the chance, the words rolled out of his tongue before he could stop them:

“Here.” He couldn’t remember how he had jumped so fast out of his bed to retrieve water for the stranger as well, his body seemed to have a better grasp on his instinct. “You can drink this.”

“Is it okay?”

Was this mistrust? he wondered. But when he looked into the other cat’s eyes, he couldn’t see any of those colors the villagers always had in their eyes whenever they looked at him.

The cat _still_ trusted him.

He nodded, eyes still unable to move away from the cat.

He could see his features clearly now: his eyes were a bright color of deep orange, his ears black, and his tail… he couldn’t see his tail, it was hidden under his cloak, so he moved his attention back to his face, just in time to see the cat looking up at him.

“Am I causing you any troubles?”

Huh? What was this question about? he thought. _He_ should be the one asking him the question: would the cat want to spend time with someone as sinful as himself?

Not knowing how to answer, he could only give him a quiet “Ah.”, one that he knew wasn’t a concrete answer of his own.

“You have pretty eyes.”

He thought the cat should know. But he didn’t seem like he was very happy with the answer either. Looking away, Asato saw a small pout on his face, like a hint of disagreement. The cat said that it looked normal, but Asato begged to differ. He already loved those pair of eyes. He wanted to continue staring at it; he felt like if he was to stare longer, he’d be able to find the answer to a question he never knew existed. And he loved the spark those pair of eyes gave out when he fought him - it was full of life, of _hope_. Then, he caught sight of his tail.

Ah.

“You have a crooked tail.”

He didn’t know why the cat was offended. But he knew how impressed he himself felt.

“I think it’s pretty.”

That was the second time he’d said the same thing to this cat, one who was no more than a stranger to him.

Weird.

He could already see the unpleasant expression on the cat’s face. Ah, he offended him, he realized at long last. But the next thing the cat said to him caught him completely off guard.

He felt as if his heart just skipped a beat.

“Yours is prettier.”

Was that an… acknowledgement?

Did this stranger, who knew _nothing_ about him, just said that he had a pretty tail?

“This… is the first time someone has said this to me.”

This was also the first time someone had looked him right in the eyes when they were talking to him; the first time someone was treating him as a real cat.

The first time he felt this weird yet warm sensation from beneath his chest.

Weird. This cat is weird.

“You’re weird,” the cat had said, interrupting his thoughts.

He felt like he should tell him too.

“I’m weird, but you’re weird too. You’re really weird.”

He couldn’t figured out when this cat was being serious or when he was just playing a fool at him. But he liked his smile and he didn’t want him to be “just another stranger” to him anymore.

“You… What is your name?”

“Konoe.”

Ah, _Konoe_. ‘Konoe’ sounded nice on his tongue. He’d never felt the need to remember anyone’s name before, just like how his own name was perceived to be nothing more than a curse.

But _Konoe_ \- this name was different. It was light, and the more he repeated it - _Konoe, Konoe_ \- the more blissful he felt, as if that one word had become an effective mantra to release him from the heavy burdens on his shoulders.

Konoe.

He’d really like Konoe to remember him as Asato as well, not as just another cat he met in Kira. And he never wanted Konoe to know why he was discriminated; at least not now.


	2. Ray Of Hope [Asato x Konoe]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfamiliarity was what makes discovery exciting. Takes place a year after Lamento verse. Konoe learns how to adapt to his new lifestyle – with Asato.

A year after living in Kira had presented Konoe a life that was one he’d never experienced before. He was used to being discriminated in his own hometown - Karou - before he was forced to step risk into a journey of no return. Kira wasn’t the same as Karou - every step he took in the village reverberated strongly of out-of-place and even though the villagers had been fairly accepting towards him, he couldn’t help but feel as if he was a foreigner all over again, especially when his skin color and the lack of the Kira prideful tattoo on his body constantly served as a loud reminder to not only every eyes that were directed to him, but to himself as well. The discrepancy he felt within him was slowly but surely dissolving with every passing day. But it’d be a lie if he was to say that he didn’t feel anything at all under this all-new surrounding he was placed into. He knew time was all he needed, and as long as he could stay by Asato’s side, nothing else should matter anymore.

Asato had been a great help, that was perhaps one thing that was keeping Konoe away from drowning too deeply into his own self-conscious. Sometimes, they’d spend time hunting together; and often times - like today - Asato would insist Konoe to stay at home while he headed out by himself. Konoe didn’t have much of an opinion towards what Asato thought would be the best for him. Be it hunting or staying in the village, both were routines he needed to get used to without the presence of his right arm. Losing one of his hands wasn’t something he’d expected to happen to him either. But staying alive after facing Leaks was a guilty luck of its own. As he’d mindfully reminded Asato again and again just so he could wipe the despair off both his face and his heart, the missing member was the best proof that he was still healthy and alive and more importantly, sharing a life with Asato now and that should be something to be celebrated, not grieved over.

He knew Asato needed time too, and saying those words himself made him feel as if he was telling himself and Asato a white lie. But that was their sincere wish. And if a mantra like this existed, he was sure that they’d get over it eventually.

While he waited for Asato to return, Konoe took a few walks around town, nodded politely to passing cats as he did. He had pretty much familiarized himself with every corner of the town by now. As he attempted to climb a tree just so he could overlook the entire of the small village, he heard footsteps from behind him, turning around to see Kagari approaching him from the back, then giving him a smile when their eyes met.

“Do you need help?” she asked, which was responded by a shake of head from Konoe. He understood her concern, but he wasn’t useless. Losing a hand meant losing balance, sure. But it didn’t mean that he’d lost his ability to adapt, then survive. So, with Kagari staring intensely at him the entire time he climbed his way up the tree, he ultimately settled on a branch before Kagari joined him on another.

“How have you been adapting to Kira?” Kagari asked.

Without a look at her, Konoe responded, his gaze fixed on the faraway view, where the sky was starting to dim gradually.

“I’m good,” he said. Then, turning around to give Kagari a small smile, he continued. “Thanks to you.”

Kagari responded with a gentle smile of her own. It was surreal how her attitude was so very much different from the various occurrences Konoe had once shared with her when they first got to know each other. Back then, she was one of the fiercest and most aggressive but yet strongest female cats Konoe had ever encountered. But now, her entire existence vibrated of nothing but genuine concern and, like how Asato had sometimes described to Konoe, mother-like love.

Sometimes it made Konoe miss home for just a bit.

“You mean, thanks to Asato,” Kagari commented. Konoe let out a light chuckle. If there was one cat that could comment on both his and Asato’s relationship in such an upfront way in this village, it’d definitely be Kagari.

Konoe was grateful towards Kagari, nonetheless. Without her, there would never even be an Asato.

“How is he doing, by the way?” Kagari asked again.

“Good,” Konoe replied casually. “There’s no hint of him going berserk again, at the very least.”

“I don’t mean that,” Kagari chuckled. “I mean how he’s been treating you?”

“Wh-what…”

“Well, that kid never had a chance to interact with anyone in such a close range before,” Kagari explained, the hint of tease in her tone too obvious to miss. “I’m curious of how he’s treating you, a stranger that has suddenly become so close to him.”

“He’s….” Konoe stuttered, momentarily lost for words. Attempting to find the best way to describe it to Kagari, he sank into silence, letting his thoughts flow. Then, after a brief pause, he looked up, meeting Kagari’s eyes with a determined smile. “He could be really awkward at times and he clearly doesn’t know about a lot of things yet. He’s a huge worry wart too. Even though I’ve been staying here for a year, he’s still worried if I would get lost in the village or if I would accidentally trip in our own house. “Konoe ended with a small laugh, his own descriptions reminding himself of the various circumstances when he’d pout and frown and reprimand Asato as being too concerned. “But I guess that’s what so precious about him too. He still has a long way in front of him, a huge world for him to discover. And I’d like to look after him while he’s at it.”

Feeling as if he had released a huge stone off his chest, Konoe released a small sigh, then leaned against the tree trunk as he stared blankly at the way the sky was turning gradually dark. The moon of shadow was now illuminating its bright light up in the sky, painting the village of Kira in a wave of silent peace.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” Kagari said at long last. “And,” jumping to where Konoe was sitting, she patted Konoe on the head, instantly causing Konoe’s ears to raise in alert. “You’ll be discovering more things with him as well, right?”

Before Konoe could answer, he heard the sounds of footsteps rustling from below him. And before he could make out who was standing below the tree, he heard a voice he was already more than familiar with.

“Konoe! I was looking for you!”

Asato was waving at him. Frantically, Konoe sat up.

“Don’t come up!” he exclaimed. “I’ll come down now!”

“Are you okay, Konoe?”

“I’m fine! Just wait there!”

Giving Kagari a knowing smile, Konoe started making his way down the tree.

Once he stood himself safely in front of Asato, Asato gave him a wide smile, his tail raising to wrap Konoe on the waist.

“Konoe, I found something amazing and I want to show it to you,” Asato said, the excitement prevalent in his tone.

“Hm?”

“Can you come with me?”

Konoe was sure that if his tail wasn’t clinging onto Konoe, it was definitely hitting left and right now.

“Sure. Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

It wasn’t usual to see Asato acting so mysteriously like this. The curiosity blossoming within him, Konoe could only intertwine their fingers together as he kept up with Asato’s hurrying pace.

It appeared that the place Asato intended to bring him to was located outside of Kira. As they made their way out of the Yuukoku Valley and into the forest, Asato kept Konoe close to him, making sure that he was walking safely along the trail of small paths. Asato wasn’t as outspoken as usual; instead, it felt as if he was filled with thoughts, which was unusual on its own. The brief silence also allowed Konoe to consider for himself - about things that had happened between them, and what lied ahead of them. No words were needed for them to convey their thoughts to each other; both of them already knew what they were facing. But regardless, they wanted to continue holding each other’s hand like this, taking small steps like how they were walking now. And if any one of them was to fall and hurt himself, the other would help him up and lick his wound off, staying by each other’s side until they were ready to make a move again.

“We’re reaching soon.” Asato broke the silence. With a small nod, Konoe gripped harder on Asato’s hand, following his footsteps and hearing his own heart beating in his ears. He’d told Kagari just minutes ago that if Asato was to be out there discovering his own world, he’d be right by his side to support him. And it just seemed to him that this was precisely the moment he’d told Kagari about.

Asato must have discovered something that had urged him to share with Konoe, just like how Konoe would if he was to discover something new.

“We’re here.”

What lied in front of Konoe the moment they made their way out of the forest and into a clearing that looked very similarly to the flower field at the outskirt of Ransen was a wave of white-colored flowers. And if Konoe had blinked even for a second, he’d definitely miss the weak gleaming the flowers were giving out as he stared, dumbstruck, at the sudden beauty.

“This is…” he muttered, unsure of where to begin. They were the only ones in the field, surrounded by a blanket of white accompanied by a faint sweet scent that was starting to overwhelm their senses. It was as if they had stepped into a secret territory, one that would disappear if someone other than themselves was to discover it.

While Konoe gaped at the powerful scene, Asato had scurried his way into the field, where he squatted at the nearest patch he could approach and pluck one of the flowers, the white flower never lost its brightness even when it was released from the soil.

“Konoe,” he called out, voice low yet passionate. Without waiting for an answer, he picked Konoe’s hand up and placed the flower in it, smiling happily when Konoe responded by holding onto the delicate item Asato had just given him. “For you.”

Lost for words, all Konoe could do was gaze, open-mouthed, at a smiling Asato before he found a surge of emotions swarming out of his chest, over flooding his insides and attempting to burst their way out through his five senses. He felt tears from behind his eyes, his nose pricked, and all he wished was for Asato to not notice any of this because he didn’t want Asato to think that he’d made him unhappy from such a kind yet warm gesture.

“Konoe?” Asato obviously noticed the abnormal reaction from Konoe because then, Konoe felt a lick on the corner of his eyes, his ears twitching in response. “Don’t cry.”

He wasn’t even crying yet. Completely surrendering to his uncontainable emotions, he pushed himself forward, falling headfirst and leaning against Asato’s shoulder as he felt Asato enveloping him into a firm hug.

To be presented with genuine, innocent kindness like one that Asato was giving him now wasn’t something he was familiar with. He thought he’d lost it when he lost his mother. He thought he was really a cursed cat - one that wasn’t destined to receive happiness. But meeting Asato told him what sincere happiness was. Asato was a personification of genuity on its own. He portrayed just every ounce of feelings he could at Konoe, unconcealed and upfront.

Asato was his second chance for happiness.

“I thought you would like it,” Asato said, his tail once again encircling around Konoe’s waist, an attempt to comfort him further. “I found this place by accident and I thought you would want to see it. I’m sorry if it upsets you.”

“No, it’s not that,” Konoe frantically pushed himself away. Having Asato to misunderstand his feelings was way too much for him to stomach. He wasn’t good with words himself, but if he could, he’d try again and again so that his feelings now could reach Asato - that even Asato, one who had never understood love before, could come to understand. “I love this place. And I’m very happy for you to bring me here.” With a smile, he tiptoed, brushing the tip of his nose against Asato’s before he continued. “It’s very beautiful. Thank you.”

It was then that Asato broke into a bright smile.

“Konoe.”

He was familiar with the scent of flower he could smell from Asato whenever they came into intimate contact. And when Asato pressed his lips against Konoe’s cheek, eventually his lips, all of a sudden, he thought he smelled a whole different scent of flower.

The flower field in the outskirt of Ransen belonged to the memories of Asato’s parents. Perhaps this place then, can become a memory that belonged exclusively for both Asato and Konoe.

As the field of moonflower gleamed weakly under the bright moonlight, Konoe knew that this would not be the last time he’d experience such an overwhelming yet remarkable emotion again.

And as Asato continued to explore, as he continued to grow, Konoe was sure that they’d discover more flower fields, and more places that they could call their memories.


	3. Home [Rai x Konoe]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does one find peace in themselves knowing that they aren’t completely freed from their own demons? Konoe soon realizes that the answer lies within themselves, and each other.

Upon the forest floor lied trees of yesteryear, harsh seasons stripping away the bark and outer layers, yet bringing out the innermost beauty of nature. The air rich with the fragrance of leaves and soil, sound of running water a hypnotic melody, the symphony of winter blanketed the ground, creating a long trail of white across visible floor. **  
**

He trembled a tad as he adjusted his position on the tree, wrapping his cloak around himself firmer. He returned his gaze to the winter scene in a distant, catching sight of bright sun concealed beneath the clouds before he released a soft sigh. Another year had passed. Just like that. It’s even hard to imagine how much could change in a year, that it could turn him into a different yet similar person, of how much weight was added onto his back that he’d never expected.

One year – not short nor long. But it was passing time that was what made every single second worth experiencing. One year back, he would never had expected himself to end up like this – a bounty hunter, alongside a partner he held close to his heart.

A partner who’d given him a reason to stay stronger for himself, for him.

He stretched, feeling thin hint of sunshine smearing across his skin as he did. He was never fond with fire but this extent of warmth was just nice, just enough to make him feel comfortable in the midst of cold.

“Oi.”

He opened his eyes, looking down from the branch just to see the familiar glint of silver, wavy hair swaying with the motion of wind. It’s a colour he’d come to grow fond towards, like light in the dark, cold in the hot; like hope in the midst of loss. He smiled, only to be responded by a deeper frown from the other cat.

“What are you doing there?” the cat asked. He remembered telling him that he’d be out for a quick breath, though. Why did he sound so frustrated? It’s not like they had anything urgent to do anyway – no bounties, no errands; just quiet peaceful time.

“Rai!” he called out, witnessing the twitching of the cat’s – Rai’s – ears before he waved at him. “Come up!”

Rai conformed, despite the displease on his face. Across time, Konoe had learned to read his language, how his yes means no and how displease could mean impassive all at the same time. He had a lot more to learn about Rai, but it’s exciting, and they had the entire lifetime for him to explore more about him after all.

Rai came to sit by his side, the long strands of his silver hair tickling Konoe’s skin. He chuckled, turning around just in time to catch Rai’s gaze on him before he quickly looked away.

“It’s nice spending time like this, don’t you think?” he spoke, not expecting a response.

Rai’s tail lapped against his, still, the softness of it a comfortable contrast to the harsh weather. He had his eyes closed, but Konoe knew that he had his ears on him. But he said no more. Leaning his weight against Rai’s arm, he breathed deeply, indulging himself in the peaceful sensation of simply having the both of them by each other’s side like this. Rai was… bigger than him. It’s stating the obvious but it’s more than just a comparison of physique that he’d been feeling from the bigger cat.

“Let’s go.”

A while after their comfortable silence, Rai stood, making his way down the bark of the tree, with Konoe throttling closely behind him. The sun was about to set soon; he’d forgotten how long he’d been lurking around the place. Perhaps too long, otherwise Rai wouldn’t be looking for him like this.

They followed the familiar trail back to Ransen, a place they’d now call their second home. Living a life like this meant having homes in different corners of the map, something they didn’t mind. But there’s also something with Ransen – something special – that had always made them go back. It’s probably the smell of nostalgia, of all the memories they had been through together in this very place that had created a sort of attachment between them and Ransen.

But above all, it could also be–

“Yo, same room?”

The bigger cat greeted them as soon as they walked through the door of the inn. While Konoe greeted with a smile, Rai walked past the counter, heading right to the stairs without a second glance at the owner of the place.

“I didn’t say if the room’s ready,” Bardo exclaimed in Rai’s direction.

“What kind of inn owner is he if he can’t even keep rooms prepared for his guests?”

Bardo heaved a loud sigh the moment Rai disappeared up the stairs.

“He’s been having a tough time, huh?”

“Huh?” Konoe responded with curiousity written all over his face.

“He’s not looking his best,” Bardo explained. “Well, it’s not like it’s anything to do with me anyway”

Rai… doesn’t look his best? Why didn’t he notice it sooner?

“Anyway,” Bardo raised his voice. “The room is ready.”

“Ah, thank you!”

“No problem. Had a feeling both of you might drop by today,” Bardo grinned.

With a wave of his hand, Konoe strode up the stairs, pacing towards the room like it’s the most natural thing to do and opening the door to see Rai already taking off his armours and propping his head against the bedhead, on the bed.

He was usually the one who’d see through Rai, regardless of how hard he was to conceal his emotions. Regardless if he did or did not portray any expressions, Konoe had always been able to tell if something was bothering him. Was that the reason why he’d come and look for him earlier? Did he want to tell him something? Or did he want something from him?

And how could Konoe break the ice between them? What’s the best way to ask Rai if he’s bothered by anything at all? Would he even tell him? Or would Konoe need to discover everything by himself like how he was so used to doing it?

He sat on his own bed, taking off his cloak, still had his eyes fixed on Rai. Rai had turned his back towards him, seemingly preparing for a nap, or to sleep; Konoe didn’t know. With questions still flooding his mind, he laid too, turning his back towards Rai and closed his eyes, still thinking about how to approach Rai later regarding this matter.

* * *

Every emotion that was swarming him from the inside didn’t belong to him – they were lethal, menacing, threatening to swallow him alive. All he could do was run, trying to ignore it, praying that it’d pass soon, like how it always did. But this moment was terrifying – this moment made him feel as if he’d lose himself now, in this instance, that everything he ever had, everything he ever lived with was a huge lie. This body didn’t belong to him, this emotions not his, his soul was a replication of someone else’s.

He was not himself, he was simply a vessel, one that was created to house someone else’s life.

He woke up with a start, sweat drenching him from head to toe as he breathed heavily. Winter was no longer cold; he felt as if some sort of wildfire was exploding within him, burning his inside with heat so intense it was hard to breathe.

He tried to move, but upon doing so, he realized that a weight was applied on him – something big, heavy; something that wasn’t there when he fell asleep.

Looking back, all he could make out was the glinting silver of a sensation he was very attached to, soft, fluffy warmth wrapped around his waist, like a blanket, like a barrier. He sighed softly, taking in the calming scent as sense of reality slowly sipping back into his nerves.

He wanted to bring the cat into his arms, like how he did him. Did he come to him because he was having a nightmare too? Or did he come to him because he knew that he was having a nightmare?

He moved, just a tad, but it was more than enough to wake the other cat up as he turned again, meeting his eyes up close.

“Another one?” Rai whispered. He licked the lines along Konoe’s ears, tickling him, drawing a chuckle out of him.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Just the usual one.”

It’s never fine. Both of them knew it perfectly well. It’s something they had to go through together but there’s no way they could do it together when each of them had their own demons to conquer. The most that they could do was  this – holding each other in their hands, comforting each other with ways they knew best.

It wasn’t hard to figure Rai out, Konoe realized. He was just another cat trying to live a normal life, despite being abnormal. Rai was like him, he understood what he’d been through, how he’d been through, and how does it feel living in a body that didn’t feel like his own.

“Rai,” Konoe called out, breaking the soothing silence in the room. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

Rai said nothing, but he got up when Konoe did. Simply pulling a cloak from the corner of his bed, he walked out of the room, into the dark corridor. Bardo was nowhere to be seen when they approached the front door, he’s probably checking on the rooms, or he could’ve gone to sleep, it’s late after all.

Winter wind crept upon them as soon as they opened the door. While Konoe grasped onto his cloak, he felt Rai encircling one arm around his shoulders, protecting him from the chills.

“What are you doing?” he said, sounding dissatisfied but not all at the same time.

Konoe curled his tail beneath Rai’s big, fluffy one, nudging against Rai’s arm as he led him to the rooftop. It’s even colder here, wind gusted as if it was competing against other motions. The sky was clear, cloudless, starry and perfect. Despite the chills, Konoe found a spot on the roof, smiled at a disgruntled looking Rai and soon found him sitting beside him. A long spread of silence later, Rai spoke, startling Konoe.

“Does your nightmare get more frequent nowadays?”

It wasn’t a question Konoe was expecting from him. He thought he was concerned with what’s been troubling him the entire night, not his nightmares.

“I guess so.”

“What’s the reason?”

He didn’t know. He had no control over all these nightmares and he didn’t think he’d be able to either. But he was getting used to it. And he wanted to believe that they’d eventually come to an end.

Shaking his head, he leaned against Rai’s arm, soughting for warmth. He wanted to tell him that it’s fine, that it didn’t bother him, but the comfortable air surrounding them had him pushing the words back down his throat. It wasn’t his intention to talk to Rai about anything heavy when he brought both of them here. He just thought that maybe they needed it – this temporary escapade, this reminder of how huge this world would still be, and how long more that they’d be able to explore everything together.

Rai obviously noticed his intention. Without pestering further, he allowed Konoe to slant against him, their tails entwined as he closed his eyes.

“Everything will be fine,” Konoe muttered at long last. He’s no longer cold, Rai’s warm body being the best comfort for him. He found Rai’s hand and stroked the back of it, lightly, as if feeling every inch of Rai’s skin.

He didn’t even know why he said it. But he remembered how distracted Rai was when he found him, how he’d been too-quiet, keeping too-many things to himself, more than he ever did. Perhaps in a time when Konoe hadn’t noticed, he’d been having his own nightmare, one that was more than the ones living in his mind – the one that he had no control over – but also one that’s vivid in his eyes, that’s living and alive and had been the greatest source of his insecurity. Perhaps everything he’d been thinking about Rai was merely his own assumptions. Perhaps Rai was perfectly great on his own. Perhaps he was worrying too much.

But Rai was the same – despite everything he didn’t say, his actions were more than enough to transmit the message to Konoe. He asked, but he didn’t pester. He conformed, but didn’t question. He was fine with anything Konoe wanted to do just he could feel better.

Just so both of them could feel better.

With that thought, he sneaked a hand upwards, finding Rai’s heartbeats. Ah, here they are – the lively, ferocious beats of life. Rai had entrusted this very life source to him, he was having so much power towards this cat that sometimes it terrified him. But at the same time, it was also what had given Konoe the biggest motivation to push themselves, to make themselves stronger just so they could face absolutely everything together, conquering theirs and each other’s demons together, just like how they promised each other.

“Whatever it is, you will allow me to stay by your side, right?” Konoe said, hand still pressed against Rai’s chest. He was expecting his usual ‘stupid cat’, his usual reprimands, his usual brushing off. But none of those came. Instead, a hand was added onto his own, followed by a tight squeeze.

Thump, thump. The stable sound of heartbeats, of edginess, of calm; all at once. Right now, both of them were fighting their own demons. Right now, both of them were finding comfort in each other’s embrace. They didn’t need words, they didn’t need actions – they simply understood.

Then, he heard a familiar smirk, one that resounded of nothing but mere mocking.

“Are you about to cry?” Rai said, with the voice Konoe was very much familiar with.

“Says the one who looks like he’s about to cry,” Konoe retorted with a pout.

It’s fine even if Rai was about to cry. He couldn’t lend him his tail like how he did, but he could lend him his shoulders, or his hands, anything that could make him feel better.

But all Rai did was remain silent, until a few seconds later that he spoke again.

“You mentioned you wanted to return to Karou.”

He did. Once they were done with the last mission, Konoe had said that he’d like to return to Karou again.

With Rai. Again.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Tomorrow then,” Rai said, a tone that sounded nothing of enthusiasm. “C’mon, if we don’t sleep now, we won’t be able to function through the long walk tomorrow.”

And without waiting for Konoe, he stood, already jumping off the roof, leaving Konoe to chase after him, his usual “Rai, why are you always like this?” vibrating loudly in the quiet night.

The forest had been there as long as they’d lived. It’s a part of them, a part of their routine. It’s a part of their life. Regardless of what season it was, it never seemed to lose its brilliance. Even when they stepped their way through thick layers of snow, the symphony of the woods resounded in their ears, as if guiding them, trailing a path for them so that they could reach their destination in one piece.

“Rai!” Konoe called out for the third time, rushing towards the bigger cat, breathing short.

“You’re too fast,” he panted upon approaching him.

“You’re too slow,” Rai revoked instead. “Hurry up. At this rate, we wouldn’t be able to reach before sunset.”

Konoe scowled. He’s always like this. Whenever Konoe was to complain about anything at all, he’d find Rai pushing the blame at his direction, as if nothing was ever his fault.

It’s not like Konoe couldn’t understand why Rai was like this – the circumstances life had thrown at him was undoubtedly the main cause for him being so. Yet, he couldn’t help but want to counter whenever Rai was to do so to him. It’s simply part of their interactions, it’s part of how they worked with each other.

It was already sunset when they finally reached Karou. The sun fell behind the horizon, smearing the sky in shades of red and pink. The village that once Konoe called home was now painted in a sorrowful mist of past. It was no longer how Konoe remembered it to be, all that was left were shadows of memories lingering between the borderline of turning into a forgetful piece of story on the map.

He’d told Rai that he should be okay, despite everything that had happened.

But upon stepping into the place, he knew that he shouldn’t believe his own words after all. Perhaps that’s why Rai was so doubtful when he told him that he’d be okay. Yet, he portrayed none of those when he wanted to return.

And Konoe knew perfectly well why was that so.

He tried to memorize everything – the once well-lit house now unoccupied, the shadows of cats lurking around corners, of cats moving from one end to the other end of the village now nowhere to be seen. It’s as if the entire time he was residing in the village was a mere illusion, that he was never a cat of Karou.

Could he still call himself a cat of Karou now that his village was no longer existing?

He pushed the door to his house, finding it in the same state as how it was the last time he visited.

Of course it’d be in the same state even when Karou wasn’t destroyed. He’s a cursed cat after all; no one would ever want to touch a cursed cat’s belonging.

He sat on the bed, staring around as Rai moved his gaze from one corner to another.

“You stayed here?” Rai asked, a question with an obvious answer.

Konoe nodded. “It’s nothing much. But it’s home.”

He wondered if Rai understood what it meant to call a place his home? He wondered if Rai ever had a place like that?

Was Setsura a home of Rai’s before he left it?

Could he still call Setsura his home?

“It’s still… painful to see what had happened here,” Konoe continued.

“Why do you want to come back?” Rai asked instead.

“Well…” Konoe trailed. He looked at the cloth where he once slept on, to the few things in his house, to the walls, the very broken state of a broken cat’s house.

“Somehow, even when Karou wasn’t the kindest to me, I still feel strangely attached to this place.” To the extent of nostalgia. “It’s still where I grew up, it’s where I spent time with my parents.”

He looked down, catching sight of the cracks on the floor. “I can’t believe it has become like this now.”

It’s painful. He wasn’t particularly fond of his hometown, but he’d never asked for its destruction.

“It’s the past,” Rai said, still sounding cold. But the intention behind those ice-cold words was more than enough to lift a small curve the corners of Konoe’s lips.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Rai was right about another thing – something that he probably never noticed. It’s the fact that he had Rai now that he felt himself easier to move on. He didn’t have a purpose to his life after he left Karou; his mere thought was to get rid of the curse he was forced upon. He never thought of surviving himself, or to do anything for himself.

But Rai gave him a purpose to move forward, even though the reason wasn’t entirely for himself.

“I’m done,” he stood up. While Rai was still staring around, he nudged his hand, urging him to move.

“Rai?”

“Yeah,” Rai merely said. Giving one last glance around, he followed Konoe out of the house, out of the broken village, and into the forest once again.

“Think we need to camp in the forest tonight,” Rai said after a few minutes of walk, staring at the sky as he did. “It’s turning dark.”

“Alright.” Konoe said. He was visibly still distracted by the emotions he’d brought along with him from revisiting his home, but he was doing better, much better than the last time they visited.

They found a good spot under the tree, preparing to camp as they sat.

“Do you need my tail?” Rai asked, sounding half-teasing, half-serious.

“I–” Konoe felt heat rising to his face. He looked away, feeling chills melting away as he did.

“Come here.”

And before he could make up his mind, Rai had pulled him over with an arm, his tail wrapped around his waist, their distance close.

It’d started to snow as they cuddled, frostiness wrapped their skin as they shivered. Konoe brought his tail to the front, wrapping his palm around the length of it, rubbing for warmth. In the midst of falling conscious, he felt a hand, swiftly brushing through his hair, playing with his braids.

Ah, yeah, he had longer hair now, something that he didn’t have the last time he returned. Why did he decide to keep his hair longer, he recalled. Perhaps it was Rai’s influence – Rai’s long strands of silver hair, flowing with the wind’s motion. It was a very prominent trait of his that Konoe had come to love, it was the beautiful contrast of his that Konoe had come to adore.

Perhaps he was unconsciously reaching out to Rai too. Perhaps, despite what Rai said about him being his saviour, he was also Konoe’s saviour too.

“I’d like to see your hometown too,” Konoe muttered, the cold taking over him, his conscious foggy, exhausted from the walk.

“Hometown?” Rai whispered. It didn’t sound like an answer, but like a consideration – or a confirmation.

“Setsura,” Konoe affirmed. “Not staring at it from afar. I want to see where you once lived, where you hung out, where you grew up.”

At this point, everything Konoe said was merely his unfiltered thoughts – words that he might not have the guts to tell Rai so casually like this, thoughts that he’d wanted to express ever since he’d come to be affiliated with Rai.

They had demons in them – both of them. But it wasn’t something they could help and definitely not something that’d stop them from moving forward. They might not be able to make them disappear just like that, but they could overcome them, regardless of how much time they’d need to take.

And perhaps, one of the ways for them to do this was to confront everything that they once feared – including their pasts.

“Stupid cat.” He heard Rai mumbled before he fell asleep, smiling as he leaned towards him.

A demon, a beast – whatever Rai was to call himself – would never feel this warm.

And despite what Rai felt about himself, he’s definitely not the demon he thought he was.

It was simply an equivalent exchange. Now that he’d showed Rai his hometown, it’s only fair for Rai to show him his. It’s a selfish request, a reckless wish. But yet, as they found themselves standing in front of the village where Rai once called home, he knew that whatever he’d wanted to tell Rai had reached him perfectly well after all.

They didn’t need a lot of words; it’s simply how they worked. No one demon was ever larger than the one they created themselves. They’d come to understand it perfectly well – and they’d come to realize that nothing but they themselves were able to overcome them. It’s the confident smile Konoe saw on Rai’s face that’d told him that he’d made the right choice to be devoted to this very cat – as his Sanga, as his partner, as his home.


	4. Silent Rhapsody [Leaks x Shui]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a void within him that he never knew existed – until he met Shui.

It’s just a simple wish. To sing, to be heard. He needed nothing in return, just the mere presence of the other cat was more than enough for him. They shared quiet space, tranquil time; they shared everything that was never normal in another’s eyes. He loved to sing, and the other cat knew. He told him; it wasn’t like he’s showing off but he loved to sing, he really did. It’s a sort of pleasure he committed to to make himself happy, to make others happy.

And from the first time he met Leaks, he already knew that he’d sing for him.

Perhaps it was the shade of sorrow he saw in his eyes, or perhaps it was the gloomy vibe he chose to cloaked himself in. But Leaks was more than that – he’d seen through him from the moment he saved him, from when he took him – a stranger – to his house, and from when he allowed him to stay. Nothing of what anyone else said about him had been affecting him. Leaks was a magician, sure. But he was nothing of what anyone perceived a magician to be.

And Shui knew it very clearly – for Leaks was the one who’d dropped all defense in his presence. Leaks was the one who’d listened to his songs, who’d requested for his song. He was the one who’d allowed his entrance to his house, then his heart, and little did he knew that he was the one who’d intruded into Shui’s heart in the first place.

His songs won’t lie, his feelings won’t lie. As a Sanga, he sang with emotions, with sincerity, and for Leaks, it was a combination of both.

He wondered if Leaks knew about this? About how a Sanga’s song worked? He wondered if he’d seen through his feelings towards him from his song? He wondered if it’s fine for him to tell him out loud? He wondered if it’s fine to tell him at all?

But he was never a person with secrets. Leaks was his biggest secret, and with Leaks, no other secret was needed.

Everyone had been telling him of how gifted a Sanga he was. He didn’t particularly care. He only loved to sing, and if that’s how his gifted for, then it’d be the best gift he could ever accept in his life.

Especially if he was to sing for someone special.

Crafting the song was hard. He didn’t know if Leaks would like it, but he wanted to try. He poured all his emotions into it, letting the symphony roll in smooth sincerity. He wanted Leaks to listen to it – this was a song for him. And if there’s any way he could support him – even though he was never his Sanga – he hoped this song would be sufficient for it.

“Leaks!”

Leaks was obviously surprised when he saw him, panting yet smiling so blazingly it felt as if he’d lit a light in the room without the need for fire.

“What’s the matter?” Leaks asked. He sat in his usual spot, indulging in his usual study; it made Shui feel as if he was disturbing the solidarity.

“I want to give you something,” he said, upfront, right to the point, as he always did with Leaks.

Leaks perked a curious eyebrow. Shui noticed he’d been doing this for countless times when it came to something concerning him. It made him smile. It made him realize how Leaks hadn’t been exposed with any interactions with anyone else and he wanted to make his first and perhaps only interaction with him a meaningful one.

“Give me something?” Leaks repeated. He put his book down, stared as Shui sat in front of him.

“I want you to listen to this.”

When the melody rang, it was as if invisible threads of emotions were flowing through the space, intertwining with the unseen aura of Leak’s magic, melting the atmosphere with Shui’s gentle voice. He sang to his heart’s content, he made sure everything he wanted to transmit to Leaks were flowing with the symphony of his song. And when he was done, Leaks was staring, visibly surprised, at his direction, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“How was it?” Shui asked. He heard his own heartbeats in his ears, the echoes of his voice still vibrating in the space, leaving behind the addictive flow of a rhapsody that was engraved into each other’s souls.

“It’s good,” Leaks could only manage, but that’s all he needed to say to pull a brighter grin on Shui’s face.

“I see. I’m glad you liked it. I made this song for you.”

Why, was all he could see on Leak’s expression. He couldn’t understand it himself too. When it came to Leaks, he always had tons of things that he could not understand – like why he found himself being so attached to him, why he found the slightest motion of Leaks – regardless if he was simply indulging in his studies or if he was practicing his magic or even when he was simply napping – such an enchanted occurrence to look at. There’s something about Leaks, and perhaps even something about himself that had been cruelly pulling them together, like magnets of both ends, like a force yearning for each other even though they’d never come to know about it.

Perhaps meeting Leaks wasn’t a coincidence – it was necessary. Leaks and Shui, both very different existences, living in two very different worlds, but happened to meet in the same place, the red string of fate a powerful indication of a bond made.

Their song was irascibly sweet. Shui could never find himself singing the same song for any other person but Leaks. Yet, there was a sort of concealed grief laced in between the melodies. He didn’t know why it was there. Leaks was safe in this forest; he was the only one who had ever encountered his existence.

And he wanted to protect him.

He wanted to protect him so much nothing else mattered anymore.

* * *

The beautiful melody was everything he heard when he woke. Despite Shui being absent from his space, it always felt as if he was still there, his presence vivid, his voice part of the air. Was it because of how dependent he had become of him that had him expecting him whenever he was to wake? How did it come to this? he wondered. Was it because of how he’d finally found someone who had come to know him in such a deep level that he’d become way too attached to a cat he never knew as much?

Was it necessary for him to know about Shui after all?

What was bonded between them was far more than just the knowledge of each other. He knew that Shui was a Sanga, but it didn’t matter to him. Sanga or not, he’d listen to his song if Shui ever wanted to share with him. Sanga or not, Shui had been his support even if he was never aware of it.

Sanga or not, he’d been a natural support to Leaks, breaking through his solid wall of defense, exposing him to a world that he never once knew – and telling him of how it felt to _not_ feel lonely.

And how it felt to feel lonely.

He rubbed his thumb against the sturdy material of the ring. Shui’s song was beautiful. It had a sort of magical charm that could calm him down effortlessly. It’s as if it’s something Leaks had been waiting for his entire life – the sort of tranquility filling the void within him. He didn’t even know it existed, Shui was the one who’d made it known for him.

Shui was always the one who’d told him things that he never knew.

Like warmth, like light, like the beauty of the world.

He was the one who’d connected him to the world, despite he never deemed the need for it.

He smiled as he stared fondly at the ring. This is just a return gift, he told himself. It was non-comparable to what Shui had given him but he wanted Shui to have this.

At the very least, if he was to disappear, if anything was to happen to him, there’d be something for Shui to remember him.

With that thought, he kissed the ring, acting on complete impulse, as he heard the familiar voice calling from outside of his door, returning the light back into the emptiness of his chest.

* * *

There’s no excuse to everything that had happened between them, the only reason being fate wanting to test them – to challenge them. It hurt. It pained him tremendously when the thought of Shui betraying him crossed his mind.

“You traitor,” he’d told him, two words that he’d never expected himself to use on Shui.

He didn’t want to listen to what he had to say. He closed his heart, refusing all sorts of explanation, closing his feelings away. He’s an idiot – an idiot for believing in someone else but himself, an idiot for allowing someone else into his heart when he was destined to be alone.

He laughed, a laugh that resounded so loud in the cold winter night it threatened to slice the sky into half. This was the consequence for choosing to be loved. He brought this all upon himself and he didn’t have anyone else he could push his blame towards.

Except Shui. Yes. Shui was the one he should blame.

If he hadn’t been forcing his way into his life, he wouldn’t need to have his peaceful hideout falling into demise.

If he hadn’t been giving him all sorts of false hope, he wouldn’t come to understand how loneliness felt like.

It’s all Shui’s fault.

Shui was the one who’d given him these emotions, this pain, this mortification – this _love_.

He vowed to revenge him, to prove to him that he’s _wrong_ and that he’s _not_ alone. He vowed to make Shui pay for making his life a living Hell, for taking his peaceful days away from him.

He was determined, he had everything planned out. He searched for his child, ignoring how his heart skipped a beat when he recognized the resemblance of his son with the father.

He pushed all of them away. He didn’t need them. He no longer needed them.

He thought he no longer needed them.

But he was wrong.

He’d known how wrong he was since the very beginning, the very fact made clear to him when he heard the same song Shui sang for him from Konoe.

Their song – the quiet rhythm of their rhapsody, the silent threads of grief, flowing through his veins like a painful reminder, reminding him of who he really was, what he really wanted.

He released a small breath at the end of his life. So this was what it is. For some reason, there’s a sort of peace he felt within himself that he’d never noticed. It’s something he was searching for, something that he never knew he wanted. But as he closed his eyes, listening to the slow rhapsody of Shui’s voice, he thought perhaps this was the best ending after all.

“Shui…”

He never hated him. Even when he was gone and no longer by his side, Shui’s voice remained as the strongest support within him. The soothing tone of his melody, the genuine concern of every word he’d ever said to him – all of them were the reason why Leaks could still stand tall.

He was wrong, but he never regretted the path he’d taken. Because then, he’d never come to understand what being this intensely connected with others mean.

Because then, he’d never come to understand what loving others mean.

And how being loved felt like.

He never forgot about Shui – even when the world took him away from him, Shui had always been there, living as part of him, as a reminder of how he’d never abandoned him like how the world did to him.

Like how everything Leaks had ever wanted.


	5. End; Shui/Leaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It only takes a few hours to change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Lamento Anniversary.
> 
> Thank you for the amazing 11 years, Lamento /o/ Here’s a story about… why Lamento existed in the first place~

Trees of yesteryear bestowed upon him as his footsteps scrunched dried leaves under his feet. The forest was an orchestra to his mind, enchanting symphony drummed in his ears as he fixed his eyes on the soiled dry path. He’d been indulging in his secluded peace ever since he made sense of things around him. He needed no one; all that he yearned for was time of his own just so distractions were limited and just so he could concentrate in the studies he’d been baptized in. 

The world is a place too unimaginary for him. Whatever he read about the Two Canes were legendary tales no one could verify the authenticity of. He couldn’t be grasping onto information that was nothing but unverifiable. What he was looking for was something more physical, sustainable, things that he knew would serve him well and more importantly, things he could  _control_.

He chuckled lowly at that thought. It reminded him of something. Something that he should’ve found displease in but yet something that gave him none of those. 

Lifting his head, he caught sight of the glimmering lights pressing their way through gaps of tall, hooded trees. With one hand covering his sight, he released an airy sigh, mind wandering from the list of materials he was supposed to hunt for in this very land, to his house, just a few steps away, where another cat roamed freely in his personal space.

When had he dropped his defense? he wondered. When had he forgiven the trespassing of another living, into a space that was nothing but sacred to him, and what, exactly, had that very cat earned a place in him that he’d never opened to anyone ever? It’s a territory he’d never ventured into before; a place that was never his to belong in the first place, and a place he knew would only bring upon destruction if he was to allow himself to be sucked into it.

 

“Ridiculous,” he muttered in a truncated breath. In the past, he’d never allowed himself to be distracted by thoughts like this; the impact of having another cat into his life was slowly but surely eating him up from the inside but yet, nothing felt wrong. At the very least, nothing should feel wrong if he still had his emotions under control.

But for how long?

For how long could he suppress these feelings underneath his metal mask, and for how long would it take until he could come clean to both himself and the cat, to convince himself that he could, indeed, trust him after all?

His tail swayed in a languid movement, his ears twitched a bit at the thought of expression. Tiny branches were caught in his sleek black fur as he made his way through bushes and between trunks, his mind occupied, his motion slower than usual.

He had no idea when he could face himself, but for all he knew, nothing of the birds’ symphonies could ever bring him the same soothing peace as well as how  _he_  did.

* * *

 

As expected, just before he was to walk into the house, he could already see the silhouette of a cat moving from one corner to the other, as if he’s shifting and putting stuff into place. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth once again. He’d told him multiple times that he did not need to bother with rearranging the things in his space. It didn’t bother him anyway. He’d known every item in it to avoid tripping on stranded books, and being disorganized was way easier for him to manage than having to occupy time to clean things up when he could’ve spent his time on something else that was more productive.

_“But a neat space would please the eyes! And when it pleases the eyes, it’ll put you in a better mood too!”_

 

…was what he said. So he simply let him be. It’s fine if it’s someone else managing the place for him. He didn’t need to waste any of his time, and above all, it gave the cat a reason to stop by, and that was what that would make his mood better – a realization he couldn’t quite believe it himself.

“Leaks!”

 

Needless to say, he felt no apprehension nor surprise upon hearing the voice, the moment he stepped into the house.

“Did you manage to get everything you need?”

Shui rushed to him like an excited child, his expression graced of gentleness with a mixed hint of softness a way he knew he’d never achieve. He was a mystifying cat; one that he had no idea of how to read, and one whom seemed like the purest cat whom had everything exposed on his face like it’s the most natural thing, with no precaution whatsoever.

“Yeah,” Leaks responded fleetingly. He put the small sack on the table, then looked around. As usual, his house, which was in a mess before he left earlier in the morning, was now cleaned up, to an extent that he himself couldn’t recognize. The scattered papers he’d found too bothersome to organize were now piled in neat mountains, lined along the walls in a corner. The thick books he’d conveniently placed by the side of his chair now on his desk, the sequence of them undisturbed. His notes, which were written and smudged in ink, were now flattened as much as they could, stacked just by the side of the books he’d last read, with a tiny ruby-coloured stone pressing against them, just so they won’t get blown away by the wind.

“That’s great to hear!” Shui said with a wide grin. “I’m just done cleaning up your place.”

 

“Do you find this amusing?” Leaks asked, slumping into the nearest chair he could find as he checked off the list on the paper.

“Amusing?”

 

“Coming here, cleaning up. That’s all you do here, no?” Leaks replied, without looking up.

“Eh… I don’t… really think about this.”

Leaks lifted his head upon noticing the difficulties in Shui’s voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never thought of doing this because it’s amusing.”

“Then, why are you here? Why do you persist?”

“Because I want to see Leaks! To spend time with you, help you out. Anything I can do with you.”

Perhaps he should rephrase his question – not ‘why do you persist?’ but ‘why are you so persistent with me?’ 

 

Yet, he kept it to himself. He’s probably not ready to hear the answer yet, not until when he was able to confront himself for this guilty emotions he’d been suppressing for a while now.

“Ah.”

 

He was about to return to his books when he noticed Shui inching closer towards him, taking particular interest in his tail.

“What?”

“Your tail. It’s… messy.”

With that comment, he turned sharply, lifting his tail up at the same time and frowned at the standing strands, coupled with thin branches caught in his smooth black fur.

“Must be from the forest,” he mumbled.

 

“It’s rare of you to be so caught up that you didn’t notice it,” Shui chuckled lightly. “Found something interesting?”

“…Not really.”

 

It was indeed something interesting that had caught his interest, but he wasn’t going to tell Shui that that very thing wasn’t in the forest when he was distracted by it.

“Leaks can continue reading, I’ll help you out.”

“Wait, what?”

He jumped, pulling his tail back but Shui was quicker. His grasp on his tail wasn’t rough, careful even, but it was enough for Leaks to stare at him open-mouthed, eyes brightened in mild shock.

 

Shui had stuck his tongue out, licking lightly on the tip of Leaks’ tail, instantly sending chills down Leaks’ spine.

“Wait, stop–”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Shui hummed in a singsong manner.

Shui might be fine but he’s definitely not. He clenched onto the side of the table as Shui’s tongue flicked onto the ends sticking out on ends near the tip, a soft purr escaped his lips when Shui licked a light trail down along his tail, repeating it a few times and by the time he’s done, Leaks was already out of breath, sitting on the chair, mouth slightly agape, as he stared at flickering white in his eyes.

 

“Alright, it’s done. All pretty and clean now,” Shui smiled a joyful mein. He clapped his hands together, admiring his work, and it took a few more moments for him to realize that Leaks wasn’t very much himself.

“Leaks…? Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

 

“…fine,” was all Leaks managed to say before the end of his tail curled, his ears dropped, as he kept his tail out of sight.

“I see.”

He could tell that Shui was about to say something but he averted eye contact with him, pretending that he had engrossed himself into reading once more, while his ears perked at every movement Shui was making. 

He’d be in real trouble if he didn’t come to a resolution. And he needed to do it soon. Closing his eyes, his hand wandered to his drawer, where he’d hidden the very item that would bring this complication to an end.

He’d rather end this soon than later.

* * *

The night rolled over, bringing along with it a threat of storm. Twinkling stars illuminated the starless, jet black sky. Heavy air surrounded him, thick clouds covered half the sky. With the only light source being the wavering fire on his desk, Leaks looked up from his book, finally realizing how late it was. He’d finally gotten back to studying after a few struggled moments of distractions, and before he knew it, he’d released himself off the pace of time. He straightened up, stretched a tad, then looked around.

 

Shui was right by his side, a bowl of what seemed to be cold soup near where his head was lying, as he slept. He must have fallen asleep when Leaks was reading. He couldn’t remember if he’d attempted to call Leaks’ attention to himself, but judging from the chilly bowl of soup, he must have, and Leaks must have missed it.

Now it made him feel bad.

Putting his book aside, he inched closer towards Shui. He probably should wake him up now. It’s late, and his wife must be worried. It’s not good leaving a pregnant female cat by herself, especially not in this cold and dark night.

That was what his rational thought was urging him to do. But instead of doing just that, he merely stared at Shui’s sleeping features, watched as he breathed slowly and steadily, his body rise and fall a tad. Shui had a habit of staring at him sleeping, which was awkward on its own; he couldn’t tell how he’d put his defense down around this cat after all. Perhaps it could be his vibe – that calm, pacifying air he always brought with him that had put Leaks into a different state of mind. It’s as if his presence alone was enough to put Leaks into a serene state that he never knew he needed.

But Leaks was nothing of those – he wasn’t calm, nor was he soothing. He was anything but those. Dark, threatening, stern. Yet, despite that, Shui had fallen asleep in his presence, without fearing that Leaks would attack him in his sleep, nor did he worry about whatever Leaks, the rumoured Dark Magician in the Forest, would do to him while he was being so defenseless like this.

“Shui…” he muttered, a word that was leaked out of his own conscious. 

 

Shui fidgeted a bit, without waking up. A small smile curved at the corners of his lips. Is he having a good dream? Maybe something to do with his family? Something that was his pleasant life in Ransen, where he’s worshipped and respected, where his life was in control and where only great path awaits him in the future?

“Leaks…”

His word had Leaks’ hand freezing in mid-air. His breath caught in his chest, Leaks swallowed down his throat. The very word was quiet and small but it was all that had been vibrating in Leaks’ head ever since he heard it.

Ridiculous, he repeated in his head. What’s there to dream about him? Their interaction nothing but Shui taking the initiative to talk to him, to do things for him, never him doing anything for Shui. Why would Shui bother with a lonely cat like him, when he had so much better things waiting for him in Ransen? Why would Shui want to even be affiliated with a cat like him? Risking his title, his reputation, with him, a cat that was seen as nothing but a threat.

 

His mind was in a rampage. He didn’t know what to think, nor did he know what conclusion he could derive from the behaviours Shui portrayed.

But yet.

 

He stretched his hand, coming close to Shui’s ear, the fluffy pale fur of his ear tickling his fingers before he slipped his hand down, to Shui’s face.

His skin wasn’t as rough as his, it was soft like his melody, smooth like his voice. Shui chuckled a little when Leaks touched him but he immediately went back to sleep after merely shifting a little.

“Why?” he asked, a question that was directed both to himself and to Shui. 

Acting out of complete instinct, he leaned forward, the tip of his nose brushing against Shui’s fur on his ear, and before he knew it, he’d kissed the tip of Shui’s ear, an action that had him jolting in surprise.

 

The pile of book right by his table fell when he jumped back, waking Shui up.

“Leaks…?”

“Oh, sorry, I…”

What was he about to say again?

“It’s okay,” Shui said through clouded voice. He rubbed a knuckle against his eyes before his gaze shifted to look at the window “Oh my, it’s late.”

“Y-Yeah…”

“I should get going.”

 

Standing up, Shui smiled at Leaks, then his eyes fell on the soup on the table.

“Oh no, I was about to remind you about this. Guess I’ll make you another bowl tomorrow,” he ended his words with a bitter chuckle.

 

“Shui,” Leaks called out, as Shui was near the door.

“Hm?”

“I have something I need to tell you.”

“Oh? This is rare, coming from you. What could it be?”

 

He can’t say it. He can’t pull out what he had hidden in the drawer, he can’t make sense of words that he was about to tell Shui.

Maybe not yet. Not now.

 

“Maybe tomorrow. When you come. Then… I’ll tell you,” he said instead, instantly feeling hatred pooling in his guts.

 

“Sure,” Shui pulled a bigger smile. With a hand on the door, he turned around, facing Leaks, who was still standing rooted on the spot. “See you tomorrow then.”

“Shui.”

 

At this point, he can’t even tell why was he stopping Shui. He couldn’t make sense of the heaviness beneath his chest upon knowing that he wouldn’t be seeing Shui until tomorrow. He’s weird, this cat had turned him into someone he’s not. It’s by far the most powerful magic he’d come across.

“Hm?”

“Thank you for dropping by.”

 

“What’s with you today?” Shui chuckled, voice rang in an angelic tone. “It’s okay. I want to be here.”

 

“It’d… be nice if we could always stay this way. It doesn’t matter even if you have a wife, or a child… later. Just like this, it’d be… nice.”

 

For a stretched moment, Shui merely stared at Leaks, while Leaks looked away, no longer able to sustain the destructive crushing sensation stemming from within him.

 

“Sure,” Shui said at long last. Leaks didn’t need to look at his face to know that he was, yet again, smiling at him, the way he always would. “I’d love to stay with you like this too.”

 

He didn’t know what else to say. Simply nodding, he heard the sound of Shui leaving, only shifting his gaze to look at the door when Shui closed it.

 

Tomorrow, he’ll tell Shui. That he had something he wanted to give him. He didn’t ask for much; there’s no need for connections or promises, all he wanted was to cherish the time they shared – the simple, quiet moments just to have someone by his side, accompanying him, sing for him, take care of him…

Just not being alone, lonely; however he felt when Shui wasn’t around.

* * *

 

The sound of crackling fire woke him up. He opened his eyes slowly, vision gradually getting used to the dark. He couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. For a long time, he was in a state of confusion, unsure if he was living in a dream or if he’d returned to reality. Then, he looked around. Tall ceiling, muddy floor that seemed like it wasn’t washed for days. By his side was a table, papers scattered untidily, books falling off when he did as much as standing up from his chair.

 

He was back to his muddled state, back to being alone, being proven right that there’s no place in this world where he could truly belong.

 

It’d probably wouldn’t hurt him as much if he’d acknowledged it from the beginning. Yet, his biggest mistake was to allow  _one cat_ ’s presence into his life, allowing him to tamper with his emotions like it’s the most natural thing, and eventually, allowing him to destroy everything of him – including his existence.

 

Hands clenched into fist, he stood, the long trail of his cloak dragged behind him as he walked out to the clearing, finding the moon hanging bright and tall in the sky.

 

It’ll take a bit more until when everything would come to an end. And this time, he would no longer allow anyone to prove him wrong.

He smirked as he gazed at the moon.

 

Shui; a cursed existence, one that should never exist in the first place. He hated him, he hated him so much that he wanted to tear him into pieces, throw him into the flames and watch as he destroyed his flesh and bones. He wished he could’ve killed him with his very own pair of hands but it’s not too late. Shui, too, had lost everything when he died. And now, he had his son under control, robbed him off his life, putting him on a route that was nothing of what he desired.

 

He deserved it. And when the end came, perhaps, he’d be able to get rid of the heaviness in his chest, one that was heavy as what he felt within his robe, where the weight of a lifetime was hidden. And perhaps, he’d come to forget the soft, warm sensations he’d still feel on his hand, and the memory of Shui, of his smile, his voice, and his song that he’d never would hear ever again, from his mind.

Forever.

He can’t wait for the end to arrive – just so he could be released off these burdens.


	6. One For One; Asato/Konoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best warmth is, most of the time, just right by one’s side.

The drone of the festival had since long past. They were no longer wakened by noise outside of their window, or the smell of food that were the reasons their sleeping time was cut short. In the midst of searching for salvation, they found themselves reveling in simple happiness like being able to wake up to find the other waking up at the same time as them, or being able to just walk into the dining space and finding Bardo already spreading the tables with delicious food that were way too much for their appetite. None of them knew what would happen tomorrow, and none of them knew what to expect for tomorrow. All that they knew was that being able to live, to open their eyes to catch the tiniest glimpse of light was already a blessing in disguise.

Ever since Konoe came to know more about Asato’s past – his father being part of Meigi, the disturbance within him that he couldn’t explain himself – he found himself becoming more and more concerned towards him. Especially during the night. With just the tiniest of sound, Konoe would already have his eyes snapped open, his head instinctively turned to look at the bed by his side, just to make sure that Asato was still bundled in his blanket. Most of the times, he’d find himself worrying too much, that Asato would never rush into something without telling him, let alone leaving him and fighting everything all alone. They’d promised each other, he’d made himself clear of how much Asato’s matters were also his and Konoe knew that Asato was the last person he knew who would break his promise.

So, when he turned around and saw an empty bed this night, he felt no worries, no anxiety, just curiosity.

He pulled his cloak and blanketed it over his body, then opening up the window to stare out to the street. The surrounding was peaceful, no hint of fights, no presence of other cats. With a trifling sigh, Konoe closed the window, shrouded himself firmer with the cloak, then walked out of the room.

He had no idea where Asato would be. Did he take a walk? Is something still bothering him? It couldn’t be help if it’s really the case. But he hoped Asato would’ve talked to him about it. He wouldn’t mind listening to him at all. Asato should know that.

Now feeling a slight irritation at the bottom of his guts, he shivered a tad when cold air hit his skin the moment he stepped out of the inn. Autumn was almost coming to an end, and what that would greet them next would be winter. Weather was starting to turn chilly, warmth was now sought for. He probably should head back to the room; it’s not like Asato was gone forever, he’d be back sooner or later anyway. But, before he knew it, Konoe was already closing the door behind him, looking around, his concern taking over his sound decision.

It’s cold. He didn’t want Asato to be staying out for long either. He’d catch a cold.

He sniffed around, attempting to find hint of Asato’s scent, and it didn’t take long for him to look up, a small smile broke on his features.

With a quick few steps, he came to stand on top of the roof; the wind was stronger here, he was freezing from head to toe, his ears drooped, his tail curled into an austere form.

“A-Asato.”

Upon hearing his name, Asato turned around, eyes brightening when he saw Konoe struggling his way towards him.

“What are you doing here?” Konoe asked, finally come to sit by Asato’s side.

“Konoe,” Asato called out. He stretched a hand, urging Konoe to go closer to him, then wrapped his arm around Konoe’s shivering body, keeping him warm.

“The moon,” he then said. Hearing his words, Konoe looked up, catching sight of the big, round moon hanging in the sky.

“It’s bright,” Asato continued. “I’ve never seen it being this bright before.”

Konoe wasn’t sure if this was something to be admired at this point. They were clearly facing the risk of an end falling upon them and having to see something that’s beyond normal like this could mean something that’s far unpleasant than what they’d expected it to be.

Asato draped his own cloak around Konoe’s body. With a smile, his tail found Konoe’s as he twirled their tails together.

“Sorry for worrying you,” Asato said.

“It’s not that,” Konoe was quick to respond.

“I wanted to ask Konoe too but you were sleeping…”

“You could’ve woke me up,” Konoe retorted.

Asato’s ears dropped as he looked away. It’s obvious that he’s confused himself and it made Konoe feel bad for some reason.

“It’s okay to wake me up next time, alright?” he hastily said, immediately feeling Asato’s tail did a tiny jerk then swinging in languid motion, while still intertwining around Konoe’s tail.

“Okay,” Asato said with a bright smile.

Out of his own conscious, Konoe had leaned against Asato, yearning for his warmth as he joined Asato to look at the moon.

It was in the midst of fights, of confusion, and of terror that one found the tiniest thing to be gratifying. It was in the midst of darkness that one would find themselves clinging onto the smallest light of hope they could put their hands on.

And for now, under the moonlight blanketing both of their shadows, enveloping them in softness that was each other’s presence, they’re each other’s light in the darkness, happiness in the struggles.

If there’s anything that could help him move forward and that could give him faith for what was awaiting him as he walked down the path of no return, it was this very cat who possessed of nothing but genuine light, sipping through the gaps of his tall wall, and spreading hope into his dark thoughts.

Everything would come to an end soon, but yet, he was no longer as insecure as before. As long as Asato stayed by his side, there’s nothing to be feared anymore.

And he was certain that Asato felt the same too; he could finally understand what made Asato so determined whenever he spelled his thoughts out loud to Konoe, like it was the most natural thing to do.


	7. Tail & Tail; Rai/Konoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s big tail versus small tail.

“Hmmm.”

This was perhaps the fifth time he’d let his hums loose. Leaning against the wall in Bardo’s inn, Konoe glanced a careful eye in Asato’s direction, who was licking on his tail, clearly grooming.

“Konoe?” Asato looked up, noticing his gaze the same time when his sighs leaked. “What’s the matter?”

“Ah, no, sorry, I don’t mean to stare.”

“It’s fine,” Asato said, eyes wide in confusion. “Is there something bothering you?”

“Hm… not really bothering me but…” He inched closer, coming close to Asato and stared at the damped patch on his tail, where he was licking. “Just wondering about the way you groom your tail.”

“Huh? Is there something wrong with it?” Asato’s ears twitched, moving a tad out of curiousity.

“No, no, of course not! You groom the way you want! Just that…” Konoe looked away, scratching on his face, looking visibly troubled. “I wanted to learn how to groom better, I guess.”

“But Konoe has been doing well. Konoe’s fur is always sleek and clean!” Asato reaffirmed, closing their distance just to take a good look at Konoe’s tail.

“Ahhh, don’t stare! It’s not that!” Konoe shook his hands violently, voice frantic.

“Huh?” He could clearly see the question mark in Asato’s face. Trying to cover up, he stood up, a clear sign of departure.

“I need to put these back up,” he lifted the small sack of food from the floor.

“You’re heading out again tonight?” Asato asked. He’d seen Konoe with the sack of food a couple of times; food he’d be bringing with him when he was to head out with Rai for his bounty hunting.

“Yeah,” Konoe responded with a smile. “There’s still some time. Maybe I should take a rest.”

“Sure,” Asato said briefly. 

And even when Konoe left, he still felt Asato’s eyes on him, already wanting to distract himself with whatever he was to do next.

* * *

When he walked into the room, Rai was sitting on the bed, his back leaned against the bedhead, eyes closed. He seemed like he was resting and, putting the sack in one corner with a small thump, Konoe went to sit in the neighbouring bed, all the while having his eyes on Rai. 

He’d never noticed it before but Rai’s eyelashes seemed to be unusually long, his fluffy white tail laid steadily by his side as he crossed his arms, taking silent breathing. Transfixed, Konoe crept silently towards him, trying as hard as he could to not make any sound so as not to wake him up, and came to sit by his side.

He could clearly see Rai’s eyelashes in this close distance, his ears flopped; he didn’t seem to notice that Konoe was sitting right by his side –

– until when Konoe was about to touch his ear that he opened his eyes, slowly, yet alertly.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Konoe jumped, immediately pulling his hand back before he frantically looked around, trying to find for an excuse.

“N-nothing! I just thought that your, yeah, your tail! It’s a bit messy, isn’t it? So—“

“Heh? You’re telling me that you want to groom it for me?”

“E-eh?” 

He wasn’t thinking about that; rather, he wasn’t thinking about doing what he planned to do so fast. He wasn’t even sure if he was prepared for it.

“Okay then,” Rai said, lifting his tail and dropping it on the bed again just to emphasize his intention. “Just be mindful that I’m very particular with how my tail is being groomed.”

The last part was definitely mocking him. He knew he didn’t have tail as fluffy and as big as Rai but he was still proud of how he’d managed to keep his tail neat and clean the way he wanted it to be. Tending to Rai’s tail was a challenge of its own though; he’d never groomed others tail himself, let alone one with so much fur and one that’s a lot bigger than his own. 

Swallowing down his throat, he shifted his position, with his back facing Rai, as he fixed his gaze on Rai’s tail.

“What’s the matter? I can’t see what you’re doing,” Rai’s voice resounded from behind him.

“Y-you don’t need to see!” Konoe retorted.

Rai said nothing after, but Konoe could clearly feel his intense gaze from the back of his head. Perhaps he could see after all. And all that he had been doing all this while was to tease Konoe.

_No way he’s going to let him do what he wants_.

With his determination firmed, he picked Rai’s tail up, bringing his face close to it, and gave it his first lick.

He could literally feel Rai shivering, even if it’s just a tad.

Okay, no, he shouldn’t be distracted. He focused on his tail, trying to remember how he usually did it to himself, and trying to learn from how he’d seen Asato doing it. He tried, again and again, and soon, the dishevelled fur started tidying up, little by little. Feeling a surge of confidence from within him, he continued what he was doing, this time a bit more practiced, and a bit quicker.

He was so concentrated on what he was doing, and perhaps that was why he didn’t notice it when Rai picked his tail up instead, causing chills to run down Konoe’s spine when he felt a wet and soft sensation against the tip of it.

“Rai!” he glared over his shoulder, flustered.

“Yours is messy too,” Rai merely said before he continued licking on it. The visual of Rai tracing his tongue along the crooked curve of his tail had Konoe’s heart almost leaping out of his throat. This is no grooming, this is clearly teasing and he was so tempted to pull a few hairs out of Rai’s tail before Rai pulled him back, his back hitting the wall.

“Oi!”  
“It’s enough,” Rai interrupted with a truncated tone. 

And, in the next second, he found Rai’s tail on top of his own, the soft fur of it warm and comfortable. In response, he wrapped his tail around Rai’s entangled one, as if it was hugging Rai’s tail.

Just like that, they sat, with their tails still entwined, waiting for time to pass before their next hunt. 

He wasn’t even sure if he’d done a good job with grooming. But judging from Rai’s lack of reprimands, he assumed that Rai wasn’t at all displeased with how he had done after all.

And perhaps, the only reason why Rai hadn’t been throwing the ‘stupid cat’ word at him this time was because of how he’d come to realize that that phrase wasn’t at all needed to be spelled out to tell Konoe how much of an insensible, yet important cat to him.


End file.
